Ruin Walls

Today our Pastor started his new series on Nehemiah by asking "Are the walls in your life ruin?" My hubby and I just had to look at each other.  Even though he said he didn't mean the wall of your home our minds went there.  Just the day before 6 wonderful men from our church came over to empty out our basement of it stuff and tear down a few walls.  My hubby was told by his surgeon our basement is making him sick.    So we need to address our walls.   We had no idea our pastor had other walls for us to address!

For the past 20 years in this home we saw our walls down there as smooth and a nice color that our children choose.  Sure we see the little black dot but would take some bleach and clean it off. 

Pastor was asking are the walls in my life in ruin?  My wall could be any area of my life.  Of course God brought an area to mind, he is so good that way.  As I listened and took notes I kept comparing his message to my basement wall.  Yes my life is colorful and smooth (at least that is what I want people to see and I want to believe).  Every now and then a spot  shows up on the outside but I quick to cover it up.   It isn't will I take down the outer  layer and insulation that I see all the mold hiding in masses on the wall.  Now I need to do some major clean up both in the basement and the area God brought to my mind.   I need to call on God and cling to my faith to get me though this.  I don't know if it is just me but in my picture of the wall of mold I can see a cross in the back round.  Woooo God you are speaking to me.  

I need to let my faith in God bring me comfort and restore me, my ruin wall in my life.   I take comfort in know once I live though this I can be there for someone else who is suffer the same.  

I won't say this is going to be easy.  I also know my Pastor well and if he is going to be in Nehemiah it may take a year to get though it so on the way home from church we stopped at Wies and bought stress medicine. 

Greatly To Be Praised

 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
  but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
 Give her of the fruit of her hands,
  and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:30-31 ESV)

I read this during my devotions this morning and it hit a nerve with me.  I often look for "acknowledgement" I'll call it.  But the truth is I want to hear the praise.   "the house looks great you must of worked hard all day".   "you look great in that dress"  "you raise me well mom"  "that's a good meal" (OK that would be a big stretch to hear)  "You do a great job with the running of the house" 

Well you get the idea.  I don't hear the praises from my family and friends much but then BANG this verse sunk in.   My praise comes from the Lord!   I don't know why I let myself be caught up in human praise.  I am to live for the Lord and he is the one who gives me the blessing and praises that count.   Sure it would be nice to hear these things from family & friends but next times I get in one of my moods where I start telling myself "they don't care" "It wasn't good enough for them"  "they don't appreciate me", well you get the idea.  I'm going to go to Gods word and read His praises and encouragement to me.  I will ask God to fill that void.  Just another patch for him to sow on a whole in my life. 

Fear Of The Unknown

Don't we all get fearful of the unknown from time to time?   Last summer I had surgery that left 4 scars on my tummy.  From time to time one them will still bother me and I will rub it.  The one that bothers me the most is right where the snap to my jeans are.   I often wear an under shirt so the snap doesn't rub.   The other day I was rubbing this spot and I felt a hard lump.  Right away my thoughts go to what could be wrong with me now?   You see I had so many medical problems last year.  A total of 9 different forms x-rays, health issues with tummy, allergies, H1N1, head injury, back injury, pneumonia, sinus, breathing, and the every lasting cough.   So I just started going there again when I felt this lump.   I really didn't want my 2011 to be repeat of last year with medical issues.  After obsessing for several minutes I decided I better go have a look.   I go in the bathroom and pull up my shirt and what do I see........  A piece of cookie dropped down my shirt and was sticking there. 

After I finished laughing I got to thinking how often we do this in our lives.   We hear, see or don't see something and we start playing out the worst cases in our mind.  A speaker once said every time her husband would be late coming home for dinner she had him dead and trying to figure out how she would survive.  A large number of women in that room agreed.  Where is God in these situations?  He is right next to us but we don't seem to see Him.   In stead of thinking what might be think about what is.   God is!  So have a look or wait with God till there is the answer.  God will walk you though what ever it is.   One thing I noticed.  No matter what it is God doesn't do thing the way we think.  I love looking back at problem and saying "Wow God I wouldn't have done it that way.  This is awesome."

When you feel you have no control, you'll become aware that God has the reins.

Where Is Happiness

What makes you happy? I was asked that question recently?
I happiness in the following (no special order):
Being a wife, Mom and Grandma
visits with the grandsons
all my kids together
taking the puppy for a walk and crushing leaves
falling snow flakes
date night with hubby
someone else cooking our meal
a cup of tea and good book
in a boat on a lake
visiting WV and friends
watching family play sports

You get the idea I could go on. But what if those things couldn't be anymore. The kids are growing and moving away. Grandson will grow and have an active life where they live. Autumn and winder only last 1/2 a year. Money runs tight so date nights end. Someday I will go blind (Dr. says) with my back problems travel may be come a problem. Are you getting the picture. What makes me happen can dissolve.

What I come to realize is I've been putting my happiness into the situations of my life. I need to learn how to put my total happiness in God.

Philippians 4:8-12

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

God's Hand

Did you ever give thought to God's hands? What do they look like? Recently on the TV show Dancing With Stars one of the judges said a star has hands as big as a frying pan. I've come to think God has these huge hands that cover mine. I didn't always think that way.

Each morning when I rise and as I am doing my hair I recite this little saying to God. "Lord I'm at the start of a new day, make it fresh in every way. So God I come to you to ask your blessing and renew me too. I know each day I'm not on my own, You take my hand, hold it tight so I'll never have to walk alone."

I was sharing this with someone recently and telling her when thing get tough I visualize my hand closing around God's. Her response was "Are you holding His hand or is He holding yours?"

Oh NO there it is. They are two entirely different things. I had to omit I'm a controller so I was holding His hand. You see I could let go when I think my life is going smoothly and would only have to grasp it in the hard times.

Being in the child care business I related it to the one little boy I watch. We often go for walks. He loves the freedom of not holding my hand and I let him go on our quite back streets but if we need to cross a street or are walking along a busier road he knows he must hold my hand.

I'm that child with God. I like my freedom to explore but I know when life is busy I need to grab his hand. However with God that is not the way it truly is. God always has a hold of my hand. I now need to reprogram myself to God is holding My hand.

I think Mandisa says it well in her song "He Is With You"

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The Hidden

Sometimes I feel like I don't matter. I guess I'm having a "down" day. Maybe it is living with the this pain for the last week or so and the cough that has returned. I just feel like What about me Lord, do you remember me? Are you hidding from me or am I hiding from you?



I go to an awesome church that preaches the Word of God. They also have many out reaches which we are a part of some. They even just bought another church building to use as a ministry house. As you read my blog please don't get me wrong I do love our church and the people.



Recently there was one very nice gal who asked what could she do to bring cheer to my day. She said what about dessert, something chocolate. I took her up on it. It was yummy!



So many people ask me how I'm feeling but they don't make eye contact and body language seems to say they need to get moving on.



I also get can we do anything? My answer is usually "just pray". They say ok and hurry off. Today however the Pastor Wife (love her) said lets pray right now. Even her 5 year old son bowed his head to pray with us.



But what should I say, help me pay my co-insurance because it's a burden on us. Or come clean my house while I sit and watch you, tv or read a book? That is not me I don't know what you like to do. Why don't you say what you would like to do for me?



One Peron asked why I was moving slow. I started to tell them and they cut me off saying "You always seem to have health problems" then walked away. So I put up my wall to hid behind. I don't want to share if that is the way people will feel.



Then there was the gal who made a point of hearing how I'm doing she is even going to talk with Dr. at the hospital she works at. She truly wants to know how I'm doing.



So what is one to do when they have so many continual health issues. Keep your mouth shut or share? How should I respond to people? Maybe they are afraid it is contagious or I'll ask something of them.



Where is God in all this? Why is He allowing this to go on. I know He is trying to teach me something. Well great open my eyes to it. Make it plan and simple so I can see it. I can't learn if I don't get it.



I came to the conclusion I am hiding till I find out why God is allowing me to go though a year of health problems.

Toilet Water

People often tell us we have great accommodations for a mission trip. I do agree but we are put to the test these last few days. Yesterday, Kris, Jamie & Jessica noticed the ceiling leak in Kirs's room and the hall ceiling was wet. The room above them the carpet was wet. This morning John woke up to a floor by his bed and Tucker who is above us said their carpet in the back bedroom is wet. John didn't think our ceiling looked wet but when the maintenance came this morning they said our ceiling is wet and the AC was drying it. John then tells me he just thought his bed was damp every night because the AC was running.

What John didn't know is he was sleeping in toilet water at night! Yes you read that right. So the guys dried the floor and turned off the water around 8:00. It is now 2:00 and they are no where around and we can't use the toilets. They just don't flush. Nothing goes down. I guess that is why the water is still off. The thing is it isn't just our 4 rooms no one has water.

So parents and friends be prepared we are coming back home smelly tomorrow if this continues.