The Hidden

Sometimes I feel like I don't matter. I guess I'm having a "down" day. Maybe it is living with the this pain for the last week or so and the cough that has returned. I just feel like What about me Lord, do you remember me? Are you hidding from me or am I hiding from you?



I go to an awesome church that preaches the Word of God. They also have many out reaches which we are a part of some. They even just bought another church building to use as a ministry house. As you read my blog please don't get me wrong I do love our church and the people.



Recently there was one very nice gal who asked what could she do to bring cheer to my day. She said what about dessert, something chocolate. I took her up on it. It was yummy!



So many people ask me how I'm feeling but they don't make eye contact and body language seems to say they need to get moving on.



I also get can we do anything? My answer is usually "just pray". They say ok and hurry off. Today however the Pastor Wife (love her) said lets pray right now. Even her 5 year old son bowed his head to pray with us.



But what should I say, help me pay my co-insurance because it's a burden on us. Or come clean my house while I sit and watch you, tv or read a book? That is not me I don't know what you like to do. Why don't you say what you would like to do for me?



One Peron asked why I was moving slow. I started to tell them and they cut me off saying "You always seem to have health problems" then walked away. So I put up my wall to hid behind. I don't want to share if that is the way people will feel.



Then there was the gal who made a point of hearing how I'm doing she is even going to talk with Dr. at the hospital she works at. She truly wants to know how I'm doing.



So what is one to do when they have so many continual health issues. Keep your mouth shut or share? How should I respond to people? Maybe they are afraid it is contagious or I'll ask something of them.



Where is God in all this? Why is He allowing this to go on. I know He is trying to teach me something. Well great open my eyes to it. Make it plan and simple so I can see it. I can't learn if I don't get it.



I came to the conclusion I am hiding till I find out why God is allowing me to go though a year of health problems.