Today we went canoeing. Last year everything went find so I wasn't as scared and felt maybe I could relax a little. We had 53 people who went so there were lots of canoes. We started out in the middle of the group but were soon pasted by all. There were 3 in our boat, John , Sue and myself. We were all together last year and they gave me a hard time for just sitting in the middle and not rowing. So I decided to help. I learned I'm not much help. We went over a rock ripped the bottom of the boat and flipped. Now you need to understand for some reason John hadn't put his life jacket on yet and he can't swim! Well Sue, the boat and things went floating down stream but for some reason God chose for John and I went up river, yes with out a paddle. The current kept pulling me under and I was terrified for John where was he. At one point I hit my head and my glasses were lost. (typing this is a challenge) John grabbed my hand and we managed to stand up. By now Dan Bugyi can back up to see if we were ok. We said yes but look how far way Sue and the boat are. Dan then went back on his way. As I clung to John so if we went under I was worrying about him without a life jacket. I slipped and lost hold of John and it started all over again. I would be pulled under about 5 more times. Each time I came up my thought was were is John. After a 1/4 of a mile we meet up with our boat and another boat of 3 people who stopped to help us. We climb back in went about 2 feet and flipped again. The other people were so nice they climbed out of there boat again and held on to ours till we were safely in and on our way. That is when I started to lose it and cry. I was just to scared and didn't want to continue but I had no chose.
So now I am asking God Why did I allow the fear to take over me. Why didn't I trust him completely. I'm also upset with the fear because if we were to drown I would be in God present but I didn't want to go. I should be at peace but I'm not. God and I have a lot of talking to do to work this one out so please pray for me. I keep having this fear over come me and I just start crying all over again. But I look forward to the lesson he has for me.
We are all back and safe again. John only wonders what happen to his life jacket we fount the oar and the blue bag but the jacket that should float was no where around.
Sorry about any miss types I don't have glasses to see and won't till spring time when I can get a new pair on insurance. I do have an old pair at home.
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