Friday, April 10, 2009

Struggles

I know it has been a week since I posted. The problem isn't that I'm too busy. I am admitting I'm struggling. I just don't seem to have a desire to read my bible or study books right now. I do read my little devotional each morning but that isn't speaking to me either. I'm seeking God, begging God to give me the desire again. I open my bible and just don't know how to really dig deep and gleam from it.

Today is Good Friday and has deep meaning but my thoughts don't seem to travel there. You see 22 years ago my brother killed himself this holiday. I wish I could say we had a good relationship but we didn't. Now I miss him. Now I want that relationship.

Today our daughter got a call from a friend. Her best friend's father died today. Hubby and I often sat with her parents at band competitions when the girls were in high school. I feel so sad for Molly. I know how much she will miss her father.

Maybe I'm just feeling a little depressed. I want spring to come and stay and be able to enjoy the outside and the fresh air.

So there you have it. I am struggling and that is why I haven't posted lately.

5 comments:

SharonB said...

Sandi I am so thankful that God understands our sorrows and grief! This too is a holiday that is difficult for me. I am comforted in knowing that God comforts and understands. My prayers are with you...

Kathy said...

Thank you for your comment on my final blog post. I hope you will be feeling better soon. I will continue to check in and see how you are doing!

Linda said...

I'm so glad you shared the way you are feeling Sandi. I think we all go through those times. It is then, that others lift us up in prayer and encourage us.
Please know I will be praying for you. Jesus knows and understands. There is nothing we can experience that He didn't experience here on earth. When we cry, His tears are mingled with ours.
Blessings to you Sandi.

Sharon Brumfield said...

I am glad you felt free to put your struggles here. I am sorry you are hurting.
I will be praying for you.
Can I tell you this....I have just come out of the darkest period of my life. I thought it would never end. I kept expecting for God end it quickly..He didn't.
But now...my heart is so tender and the lessons I have learned!
You just know that He is there....and He knows how long you need to be where you are.
During that time I repeatedly reminded myself that He promised that all things would work together for my good since I loved Him and was walking according to His will. And I would remind myself that He promised to complete the work He had begun in me. He promises girl.
Wish I could give you a hug...hold on...He loves you so tenderly.

Sharon Brumfield said...

Just here to check on you...still praying. ((hug))